


Shamelessly Self-Indulgent TF2 Oneshots

by twigpalm



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Again sometimes, Angst, Campy, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Gore, LOTS of Speeding Bullet, M/M, Mild Gore, Mutual Pining, Possibly other ships idk, Probably all Speeding Bullet, Rarely, Scout's Ma is named Evelyn, Scout's Ma is trans, Song Inspired, Speeding Bullet (Team Fortress 2), Theyre all lgbt in some way, Trans Demo, scout has adhd, some tropes/cliches, sometimes, trans spy, written accents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27277933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twigpalm/pseuds/twigpalm
Summary: what is up my cool catz
Relationships: RED Scout/RED Sniper
Kudos: 20





	1. Hey!

Hi howdy! I don't have much to say here cause... what do you expect I'm being self-indulgent. N E Way have fun !!!


	2. Stargazin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dear god PLEASE ignore the timeline inconsistencies I know TF2 happens in the '70s and Clash of the Titans was made in 1981 but let Scout be a nerd for a sec  
> The intro also totally wasn't inspired by Heat Waves by Glass Animals lol whaaat where'd u get DAT crazy idea  
> also I have to write their accents it's a mess I'm so sorry

As of late, Sniper had a looming feeling of being watched. He didn't know why, he had swatted around his van multiple times in search of maybe a cloaked Spy, put pie tins and aluminum foil all over the floor to see if he could hear a Spy crunching about maybe, even closed all the blinds and such, and he _still_ felt it even when he found no intruders or stalkers or creeps. He had started shutting himself in his van more often, trying to see if it was maybe someone coming in and leaving when he was gone, but nothing still. It was only after a week he had peeked through the blinds toward the base on a dark night and saw a dark figure leaning out of a lit window. The next day he surprised his coworkers with a very short visit to figure out who's room the window was in, discovering it to be the fast-talker. Another night of investigating to figure out _why_ on Earth Scout would be staring at his van for hours in the dark of night, and he only found his paranoia was caused by the runner actually just staring up at the sky. Due to their remote location and barely any other structures around, there was so little light pollution you could see the milky swirls of their galaxy whisked through the dark ocean of a sky. Sniper knew this, but he never really pinned Scout to be one for stargazing, based on how he came off when they hang out.

After half a week of struggling with his social anxiety, even over one of the only people who was open with him, he finally brought it up one afternoon, both of them worn out and lazy from a tough match that day and the heavy heat of a mid-June desert. Scout seemed more than happy to babble about the stars, informing Sniper of mostly things he already knew, but Scout's paraphrasing was more than entertaining. Sniper's discovery of one of Scout's interests got him thinking for the rest of that night, and that brings us to where he was now. He'd seen Scout at his window yet again, this time with his little boom box on the windowsill, loud enough for him to just barely hear. Some song he'd shown Sniper before, he knew, but couldn't recall the name. He was in his pajamas already, which wasn't really a state anyone had seen him in, but the inside of his camper wasn't really a common sight to anyone but Scout either, so... he decided, to hell with it, and driven his van right up next to the base under Scout's window. He got as close to the wall as possible before hopping out, sand sticking to his feet as he came around to the ladder, climbing up on top of the van. Scout was already looking, music turned down the moment he'd noticed the van even in motion. He blinked down at the Australian, "what're ya... doin'?" he asked, not used to seeing Sniper out of their usual hangout times and during matches.

Sniper shrugged, "thought you'd like to stop bruisin' yer elbows," he laughed, motioning to how Scout had his elbows on the windowsill, "c'mon, I'll catch'ya." Scout's eyebrows darted up when Sniper raised his arms, then looked down at the roof of the camper. It was probably as far from his window as Sniper was tall, plus maybe a foot, then accounting for how high it looked from his perspective... eh, he'd jumped off higher. With shoes on. Adrenaline and energy drinks coursing through his veins. Fully dressed. He wasn't just gonna pass out extra hangout time with Sniper though, and he was promising to catch him... 

"Okay— ya better catch me, gottit?" he confirmed, only hoisting himself over the windowsill when he got a rather sincere nod, half-panicking for a moment at the thought of maybe just knocking them both over and causing a ruckus. He braced for that to happen, squeezing his eyes shut, but in a matter of seconds he was getting squeezed around the ribs, backs of his thighs against Sniper's knees from him buckling to make sure they didn't do what Scout thought would happen. His eyes snapped open, smiling nervously when he realized he was clinging to Sniper like a koala, "eheh, heyyy—" he quickly scrambled to stand, really not wanting to embarrass himself this fast, and knowing Sniper wasn't exactly one for hugging. He was afraid he'd maybe hurt Sniper for a moment before he started to laugh, covering his mouth and looking away. Scout grinned, always happy to hear he'd amused Sniper enough to get a laugh out of him, especially when it was hard for anyone to even get a smile out of him.

"Jeez, yer way too light, mate," Sniper tittered, looking back to Scout, taking into account the fact he wasn't wearing shoes, his thick uniform pants, hat, or headphones, which didn't make up a _lot_ of weight, but it sure felt like a difference. His joggers and tanktop were definitely lighter, is what he's saying. He definitely was a whole hell of a lot lighter himself, though he was nowhere near as shrimpy as Scout, not having that leather vest, his boots, or his slacks was a big difference, at this point almost giving him heatstroke with summer rolling around, hence his shirtlessness and lonely pair of shorts. "How're you even _wearin'_ those?" Sniper asked, pointing to the runner's pants.

This made Scout wiggle his legs, "dere thinner den _normal_ sweats," he said, hoping the fabric swaying about loosely demonstrated that and he wasn't just making himself look stupid. He then pat his pockets, making sure he hadn't dropped his phone, pulling it out and squinting at the screen before tapping at it, a robotic voice telling him it was just past midnight. He raised his eyebrows at Sniper, "twelve-fifteen," he repeated, as if Sniper couldn't hear what his phone told him, "aren'cha gonna, y'know, sleep?" he questioned, before looking at his phone again, mouthing something before tapping again, which made his phone tell him it was Friday, a look of realization washing over him, "oh yeah! Well, um, nevermind! Waste as much time wit' me as ya want. No work, no problem," he grinned, tossing his arms out as if he were presenting himself like a prize. Sniper rolled his eyes, sitting down and leaning back against where the roof dipped, Scout taking a moment before copying him in realization. "Right. Stars. Forgott'a 'bout dem for a sec." There was a beat of silence before Scout rolled his head to look at Sniper, "y'know, my Ma use'ta tell us stories 'bout da stars, since dere was so many of us n' dere wasn't any books we _all_ could read. We all really liked 'em though, knocked us all out."

Sniper smiled at Scout's sharing, quiet a moment as he examined the sky, then his eyes slid to Scout, "wanna tell me?" he asked, clearly catching Scout off guard. Nobody really asked for him to share things, he just kind of went ahead, usually nobody listening to what he was saying or dismissing it with a quick 'yeah sure' or 'would you _please_ stop talking?' That was one of the reasons on the ever-growing list of why he liked hanging out with Sniper. He listened to what Scout had to say, what he was interested in, and actually made conversation rather than just letting him spiral off-topic, something he noticed he'd do and hated. Sniper even took the time to look at his drawings, which everyone else had stopped doing after the whole bucket-o-Spy drawings thing (which sniper said he actually thought was funny, for what it's worth.)

"Well, um..." Scout fiddled with his hands, plucking at his bandages, "I dunno if I'm gonna remember 'em right, _but..._ er, I think dat one's O... Onion's Belt..." he started tentatively, making Sniper struggle to suppress a grin, not bothering to correct him, wanting to hear where this was going, "n' uh, he's got two dogs, I dunno where dose're, but dere up dere, n' he's chasin' a rabbit. Y'know, cause he's a hunter. Da story's like, he was all hot or somethin', but da chick he was into didn't like 'im, so he got wasted n' tried kissin' her or whateva n' her dad was like 'ew, gross! Quit it dude, she doesn't like ya,' n' stabbed 'im in da _eyes_ n' banished 'im, it's real brutal. Anyway, da fire god guy felt bad for his sorry ass, so he was like 'here's one'a my servants to be your eyes' n' den I guess some other chick came n' told 'im his eyes were gonna get better if he walked t'ward da sun or somethin', so he did n' his eyes really _did_ come back, so dat's cool. Oh! N' people usually draw 'im widda club n' lion pelt or somethin', n' he's like, fightin' a bull, but dat's all stuff _Heracles_ did, so people dunno if dere like brothers or somethin', cause our ol' pal Onion over here's da son'a _Posieon,_ n' _he's_ Zues' brother, n' dat means—" he rambled before Sniper tapped his arm gently.

The Aussie was smiling warmly up at him, "Onion's blind n' a prick, got it." Scout was glad Sniper had stopped him before he started going off down the rabbit hole of his knowledge of Greek mythology his mom would tell him about the stars. "How about..." Sniper's eyes glassed the sky, landing on a white smudge he realized was a farther off galaxy of some sort, keeping his eyes on it as he pulled Scout down by the shoulder to see where he was pointing, their messy hair managing to touch the others, "know anything 'bout _that?_ "

Scout strained his eyes to focus on the distant galaxy before breaking into a grin. "Oh, dis one's my _favorite,_ Snipes. Dat's da Andromeda Galaxy, n' it's actually, aw man, _two stars._ People thought it was _one_ til' a few years back 'cause dere so bright n' dey circle eachotha, n' telescopes couldn' see it dat well til now." He subconsciously shifted to lay closer to Sniper to see it better from his angle, shaking his fists above his chest excitedly, "okay, so, Andromeda was dis real pretty princess, but these sea nymphs got all mad cause she was so pretty, so dey made da king n' queen sacrifice 'er ta dis Kraken, but _den_ Perseus came flyin' in n' saved'er, den married'er n' dey had a whole bunch'a kids n' whateva, n' da two stars're _them_ cause dere love or somethin' was so strong n' all dat mushy stuff." He then gasped, head whipping around to look at Sniper, "my god, we should totally watch Clash'a da Titans! My Ma use'ta say I looked like'er cause she looks like... twelve... which is kinda weird now dat I t'ink'a 'bout it... but she _ain't_ twelve— maybe I jus' looked like'a girl when I was little," he laughed, snorting a little.

Sniper turned his head to look at Scout before realizing how close that made them, quickly angling his head back to the sky, face heating up at the glimpse of Scout's laughter he'd gotten so close to. "Yeah, that's... so why'ah they so close again?" he asked, trying to keep his eyes on the galaxy rather than the universe. Er- Scout. He couldn't help it though, not only having been taught to look at people when they spoke but just... Scout was nice to look at. A nice break from miles of sand and guns and gruff men with bad cases of Resting-Bitch-Face.

"'Cause dere like, in l.." Scout had opened his eyes from laughing, only now noticing how close they were too, eyes darting away as his grin shrunk to a sheepish smile, "um, love, n' junk, I-I guess—" he finished, refusing to turn his head, not sure if it was that he was frozen out of embarrassment or that he liked being like this. Actually, he was completely certain it was both, he just didn't want to admit it.

Sniper's eyes did a lap over his features before quickly returning to his eyes after a struggle, swallowing hard as his face flushed hot as a furnace, "roight." He blinked, tense, and when Scout's eyes came back to his that was enough for his reticence to tell him _abort abort abort._ He sat up quickly, leaning on his arm as he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, "r-roight, sorry, I didn't—"

Scout darted up with him, his expression urgent, like if he didn't do this now he knew he wouldn't be able to again, "n-no I—" he stopped when Sniper went quiet, staring him in the eye again, "liked.. it..." he finished meekly, eyes not sure where to look; Sniper, anywhere but Sniper, or Sniper's mouth specifically. His heart was pounding against his ribs so hard he thought there was no way Sniper _couldn't_ hear it. In reality, he couldn't, but he felt the same thing.

"So—" Sniper started awkwardly, clearly trying to think of how to word this, "is that— should I—" he then sighed, squeezing his eyes shut in annoyance with himself, "aw hell, why've I gotta be such'a dag..."

"Wha—" Scout started to ask what that meant, but before he could finish there was a chapped pressure against his lips, his eyes nearly popping out of his head before he recovered and only got a moment to reciprocate before Sniper pulled away. Scout hadn't realized the hand on the back of his head until now, his face looking more like a stoplight as he puffed at Sniper, "oh, alright, jus' pull away before I can give ya some sugar, I see ya." He started to snicker, making Sniper grin and roll his eyes, but before he could shoot anything back Scout was the one leaning forward to stop him, this time both of them a bit more prepared.

Scout's hands came up to appreciate the stubble he liked so much, cupping Sniper's face as the bushman's arms snaked around the small of his back. When Scout pulled back he grinned, giving Sniper a look that made him laugh and look away, "yer bein' cute again." Scout beamed at that, clearly going right to his head along with pulling at his heartstrings. Sniper pushed him away by his face, laughing, "don't get too full'a yerself."


	3. Trippin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short ?? I dunno I might start getting sidetracked and forget to edit this whoops  
> Probably gonna get a part 2 :)

At this point, it wasn't uncommon for Sniper and Scout to go missing for a weekend to go on a road trip. In fact, it had started around a year ago when Scout's usual afternoon hangout session in the camper had turned into a quick grocery run, which had ended up with them lost in the desert for a few days. After that, they had come to the agreement that was actually fun, and what started as a bi-monthly trip slowly turned into them now going every weekend, leaving in the asscrack of dawn on Saturday and only getting back at maybe 1 or 2 in the morning the Monday after.

At the moment they were hundreds of miles from the RED base, sitting in some diner they'd already forgotten the name of, the sky dusky. Old fluorescent lights reflected off their laminated breakfast menus. Scout had a half-eaten slice of apple pie pushed off to the side as he sipped down the closest drink to Bonk they carried — cherry Coke — through a straw, staring at Sniper as he flipped through the jukebox. He didn't have any change to actually put on another song, he just had long finished his sunny side up eggs, and Scout was being rather quiet. Not that the song was bad of course, they both actually liked Elton Jon pretty well, especially _Your Song_. Scout's eyes slid away from his traveling partner to his menu, flipping it over as he finished his drink, the straw making that obnoxious sound of letting him know there was no more drink to be drank. He set his cup down, balling up the paper wrapper he'd ripped off his straw earlier, rolling it between his fingers before pulling his hand back... closing one eye... aiming... and tossing it at Sniper. He grinned when it landed perfectly in the brim of the bushman's hat, clapping his hands down onto the counter, "headshot," he muttered, only loud enough for his friend to hear. "Ya wanna splidd'a sundae wit me?" he asked a bit louder when Sniper looked over, "I've got enough to pay for it."

Sniper wandered back to his seat across from Scout, smiling as he settled and pulled off his sunglasses, shaking the ball of paper off his hat and onto the table, "ain't that a rippah of an idea," he raised his eyebrows, "with all that sugah already in ya?" he questioned with amusement, but waved down a waitress either way, politely ordering a hot-fudge sundae. He looked back to Scout, who had his chin resting in one of his hands now, blinking at him.

"How'dja know what kind I wanted?" he asked, grinning at him. He hoped Sniper actually wanted to share with him and wasn't just getting one because he thought he was indirectly just asking for a sundae for himself.

"Y'order th'same kind at every diner we go ta, mate."

"Right." Scout was surprised Sniper remembered that, even if he did get it every time. he pulled off his cap, hair messy as he set it on the table, "y'know, I don't t'ink I've eva seen ya eat sweets really. Fudge is pretty sweet, Snipes. 'Re ya sure ya wanna share, or are ya jus' lettin me get one cause I asked?" he wasn't being intrusive or accusatory with his questions, actually seeming like he found it funny, not able to see Sniper as one to order sundaes or eat sweets for himself. He was always commenting on Scout's sweet tooth. Not as much as Medic did, but of course that was from a stern medical standpoint. Sniper was more teasing about it, even having gone so far as suggesting Medic put out lollipops last week when he was complaining about how Scout was getting good at illuding and avoiding his checkups.

"I _know_ what fudge tastes like, Scout," Sniper informed, flashing a grin, "'s not loike I've nevah had anything sweet before," he laughed, then pulling the remainder of Scout's apple pie toward him, stabbing a piece with the fork and taking a bite, giving Scout a look as if to say _"s_ _ee?"  
_

Scout made an exaggerated gasp, hand clapping over his chest, grasping at the Red Sox jersey dramatically, "ya jus' _contaminated_ my fork wit'cha frickin'..." he struggled to make up something, shaking a fist at Sniper as the bushman tried not to laugh, "ya frickin' _Aussie germs!_ Now I'm gonna turn inta a kangaroo if I eat dat!" he informed as he pointed to the plate like it worse than the living tumor-bread back at the base which Medic for some reason still had. Sniper cracked, bursting into husky laughter, resting his forehead in his hand as his eyes squinted shut. Scout dropped his hands back to the tabletop, unable to keep himself from smiling at his success, feeling his cheeks go rosy at the sound of the coarse chuckling happening across from him. He sunk back into his cushy vinyl-covered seat, hands fidgeting sheepishly with his bandages. He hadn't expected to seem _that_ funny, otherwise he would've braced himself for getting this flustered.

Sniper was wiping tears of amusement from his eyes, gathering himself, "whoo, turning into a kangaroo," he repeated, tittering as he gently kicked Scout under the table with his boot, "yer a dork," he smiled, looking up to see Scout turning bright red. "Haven't I been callin' yah 'roo' fer... cripes, 'round a year now? Ya forget, ya silly duffah?" he taunted, making Scout groan and hide his face in his hands.

Every road trip ended up like this, one way or another.


End file.
